In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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