well I can't set my house on fire every night
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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