i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
