There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
