I will die if light touches me.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
