What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
