Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that đ I went with "no"
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying âFUCK YOUâ to all my spam emails. Canât tell you how excited I am
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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