you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
