before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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