Please don't use social media to get back at me.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
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You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
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Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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