Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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