yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
