I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
So much rum. So many feels.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
