paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I think I died a long time ago.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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