i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
