I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
