Whod you bang
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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