i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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