we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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