Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
