Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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