There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
