peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
operation have a gay friend backfired
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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