You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
