If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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