under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.