Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
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Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
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I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.