don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
These Attractive Criminals Got Modeling Contracts After Getting Arrested
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...