final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.