Texts From Last Night

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  (504): View more from Louisiana

  Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache

  (225): View more from Louisiana

  You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?

  (225): View more from Louisiana

  I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....

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  (504): Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache (225): You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice (504): Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time? (225): I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz.... http://tfl.nu/t0ng
  Replies (4) Good night (1461) Bad night (660)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself

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  (301): There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself http://tfl.nu/388v
  Replies (50) Good night (684) Bad night (5430)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm

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  (248): I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm http://tfl.nu/t2ln
  Replies (105) Good night (9071) Bad night (1231)
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.

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  (704): It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States. http://tfl.nu/t1qp
  Replies (16) Good night (6466) Bad night (953)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think

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  (317): Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think http://tfl.nu/kspc
  Replies (16) Good night (4287) Bad night (3162)
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  (408): View more from California

  I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.

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  (408): I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class. http://tfl.nu/di0h
  Replies (14) Good night (6800) Bad night (1302)
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  (502): View more from Kentucky

  I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore

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  (502): I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore http://tfl.nu/n25p
  Replies (37) Good night (6591) Bad night (1332)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?

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  (407): Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants? http://tfl.nu/pjw5
  Replies (18) Good night (3569) Bad night (1063)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name

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  (970): At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name http://tfl.nu/d4zs
  Replies (12) Good night (3827) Bad night (1079)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.

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  (816): I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry. http://tfl.nu/d5bh
  Replies (3) Good night (2560) Bad night (1103)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling

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  (443): No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling http://tfl.nu/429d
  Replies (5) Good night (1081) Bad night (2285)
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers

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  (973): now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers http://tfl.nu/pdyb
  Replies (10) Good night (1531) Bad night (894)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.

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  (860): Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms. http://tfl.nu/d3j8
  Replies (13) Good night (2144) Bad night (896)
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  (602): View more from Arizona

  Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day

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  (602): Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day http://tfl.nu/9htm
  Replies (10) Good night (936) Bad night (529)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?

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  (+44): What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles? http://tfl.nu/033m
  Replies (2) Good night (517) Bad night (245)

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