He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Cover your peen. We're going out.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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