Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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