i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
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