Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
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