all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Randomize
