Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
