she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
