is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
