You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
