I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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