Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Randomize
