My pussy is not your playground.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
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I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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