Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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