I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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