It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
