there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
