We named our party play list daddy issues
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
