i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
