There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
