I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
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