Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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