Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
