I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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