in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
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