She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
