I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
