one word: firstdatebathroomanal
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
