She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
