How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
