Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize