Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
