just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
